An incomplete look at confidence

How do we normally picture someone who is confident?

• Attractive
• Fearless
• Knowledgeable
• Financially successful

Have you ever met someone who is attractive and yet not confident? Someone who seems fearless but full of uncertainties. Someone who is confident but has no idea what they are talking about? Or a rich person who is constantly covered in fear?

So what’s going on here? Could it be that we’ve been wrong our whole life? The answer lies within perspective. As humans, we pride ourselves with the ability to observe & learn from others. Oftentimes, you’ll read articles about what top CEOs did to be successful, or how you can become confident just like [INSERT FAMOUS PERSON]. The problem with this approach is that it can often backfire, since what we often see is the end result of a confident person. It’s like the perks you get for being confident, not what made you confident in the first place.

If I were to put my money on what confidence is, I would say it’s the ability to accept “Maybe” when making a decision. It’s the skill to navigate in a world full of uncertainties, where we don’t have all the information but still have to act.

Let’s imagine you’re in an Indiana Jones film, venturing into the Temple of Doom with the promise of treasures. Your journey comes into a halt when you encounter a viscous mummy (don’t ask me why it’s there in the first place). At this point, flight or fight response kicks off and you take the “Run As Fast As Possible” option since you’ve decided that you’re too frail to fight as you haven’t eaten your mom’s home cooked meal for awhile.

Now back to reality & inspect from the safety of our home (it’s Covid so where else would you be). Under this extreme situation where life and deaths matter, a decision has to be made despite not knowing whether you can outrun the mummy.

But wait, you say, the modern world we live in is safe now, rarely have we encountered life or death situations where “Maybe” is needed. Therein lies the problem, the fact that we’ve become rusty with our ability to act during uncertainty. More often than not we tell ourselves that we’ll be ready when we’re ready, when we have studied, explored or figured everything out just like that successful CEO.

So have I figured out confidence? Probably not since I feel like there are still some missing pieces here and there. Yet it’s the ability to accept “Maybe” that allows me to write this article. I hope it gives you a better perspective of what confidence is and how it’s a skill that can be learned like any other.